Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
