I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
