there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
