i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize