Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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