Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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