Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
