But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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