I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
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