I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
