Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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