drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My life is pants optional.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
