those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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