Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Randomize
