we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
