What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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