I am puke
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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