were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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