Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
