Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
