my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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