My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
