My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
