Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
