I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She even gives head with a lisp.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
