I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
