I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
