I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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