That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
