I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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