Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
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