it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
