At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
So squirting runs in the family.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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