I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize