Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
