My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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