If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
you are never too drunk for berry picking
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
