I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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