turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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