Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
