i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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