So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
