Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
