I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
