More tranny stories later!
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
