Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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