Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
