Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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