Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize