everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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