I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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