I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
