In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
