Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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