he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
