just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
