I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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