no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
