How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
They have beer where we have blood.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
