Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
