And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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