you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize