is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
