i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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