you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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