in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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