How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
