You're my little dorito
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
