I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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