I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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