hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize
