its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
