Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
