I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
