I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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