i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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