I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
