i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
