Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize