Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize