thus making me awesome and them whores
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize