i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
she told me i tasted like america
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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