happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize