I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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