I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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