At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
