I wanna bring you to show and tell
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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