Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
