you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
