I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
