Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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