i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
