i think i have two assholes
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
