waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Even the bartender felt bad for me
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
