so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
