I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
