I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
