this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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