Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
