I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
