She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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