i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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