At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize