Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
