1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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